Some De Facto ‘Emendations’ to the Bill of Rights
Additions shown in brackets. Deletions struck through.
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof [including co-opting the administrative branch of government by a union of fanatical eschatology-craving fundos and equally fanatical Zionists-in-residence]; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press [except for Wikileaks]; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble [unless they are called “Occupy” and assemble in Zuccotti Park], and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances [which shall be limited to back-room lobbying by a variety of extremely wealthy, self-serving special interests].
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed, [including the right to own and use weapons of mass death in order to stand your psychopathic philosophical.ground].
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, [except for secretly monitoring everyone’s e-mails, messaging, texting, and phone calls] and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause [or political expedience for those in power], supported by Oath or affirmation [especially Tweets], and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized [unless the powers that be don’t want to].
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted [especially not putting Jeffrey Epstein in a less-than-luxury “jail” suite, and preventing him from spending his days out and about, doing as he pleases].
Further suggestions for politically incorrect, reality-based emendations to the Bill of Rights are welcome.