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Some De Facto ‘Emendations’ to the Bill of Rights

Plaque commemorating the Bill of Rights. (Photo: Ted Mielczarek)
Plaque commemorating the Bill of Rights. (Photo: Ted Mielczarek)
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Additions shown in brackets.  Deletions struck through.

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof [including co-opting the administrative branch of government by a union of fanatical eschatology-craving fundos and equally fanatical Zionists-in-residence]; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press [except for Wikileaks]; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble [unless they are called “Occupy” and assemble in Zuccotti Park], and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances [which shall be limited to back-room lobbying by a variety of extremely wealthy, self-serving special interests].

Amendment II

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed, [including the right to own and use weapons of mass death in order to stand your psychopathic philosophical.ground].


Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, [except for secretly monitoring everyone’s e-mails, messaging, texting, and phone calls] and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause [or political expedience for those in power], supported by Oath or affirmation [especially Tweets], and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized [unless the powers that be don’t want to].


Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted [especially not putting Jeffrey Epstein in a less-than-luxury “jail” suite, and preventing him from spending his days out and about, doing as he pleases].

Further suggestions for politically incorrect, reality-based emendations to the Bill of Rights are welcome.

Larry Stout

I am a retired American geologist/editor/translator. I have traveled to all 50 U.S. states, and lived in 9 states. I have traveled to every Canadian province, and to 40 other countries outside the U.S. I have lived in Egypt, Malaysia, and (seasonally) in Canada. I have read widely in world history. I am 76 years old and I remain physically and intellectually active. I refuse, and do not fit, the meaningless tags "liberal" or "conservative". "...it is a little inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible to any public office of trust or profit in the Republic." -- HL Mencken


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